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"who farted first? it was probably Soren, inventor of magnificent BS (bowel sputter)." -God (Soren's personal assistant)
04/12/2010
I found this interesting door out in the snow when I was hiking in it earlier today
around tea time. the door was so large I couldn't open it...as you can see I could
hardly even reach the door knob. My half retarded son, Mardigan, took this photo
with the help of his nitwit brother, Finnigan.
 Fact as of everyday in 2010: Soren is faster than a jet
11/16/09
I'm very proud of my new thing. It's called "The Door of the Day" segment. I will take pictures of interesting doors. This is an interesting door:
 What do you think of this door?
11/12/09
"Today is the day that all men equally created will become either remarkable or remain just markable, and lesser yet, just Mark." - Soren(isabadass) Essen
11/11/09 (later on)
I'm a little bummed. The food cooked itself as i instructed. But I spilled it when I tripped and then I accidentally stepped in it. It looks pitiful and beat up and all dirty so I'm not gonna eat it. That's ok, sorenisabadass doesn't need to eat...
11/11/09
Soren's badass is steamin' at a thousand miles per hour some motha fuckin brussel sprouts. I got one of my many right hand cronies (cuz my agent was off today) to bring some AA batteries to my humble palatial abode so I can probably get the highest humbling score ever on one of my many superior xbox360 games. Soren promised this guy Jerry, who shall remain nameless, a sweet combo of whiskey, wine, cheese, pate (pa-tay that is), pasta and kickass brussel sprouts in order to retrieve these awesome power sources and delicately cradle them through this heinously horrific weather system. He's so badass, too bad you don't know who he is, or you could ask him what I'm doing right now and I don't want you to know that because you're probably a milli-tenth as cool as I am. Now I'm gonna take the sprouts out of the steamer and store them in a bowl and cover them to retain their tender heat...
done I just did it! Damn! you probably couldn't tell cuz i just did it and quickly typed a few periods on the screen and it was done. I bet I'd be good at child birth if I were given the tools to do it, I'll just make my own I guess. These brussel sprouts are gonna taste like cheese burgers, son...whoot!
Since I just completed my interview with Nora O'donnel, I'm a little tired. So I'm gonna let the rest of the food cook itself. I'm not worried about it, you know why? Cuz if it doesn't cook itself and follow my instructions, I'm gonna kick the shit out of it! "Oh, but Soren-is-a-badass, you'll go hungry!" No I won't! After I whoop its ass, I'm gonna eat it like a fricken tiger-hawk off the floor! I'll let you all know how that goes in an hour or so. In the meantime, email me soren@sorenisabadass.com to reserve your free SORENISABADASS condoms. The first ten respondents get free condoms when I finally whip em up. so act now, regular people. Check back soon...I probably can stop saying that cuz you already probably will.
11/08/09
Soren's badass immune system is working harder than jesus christ did pulling a cross with thorns on his head to his place of exruciatingly hardcore death. I'm out with something sinister but I won't die from it probably. Only thing is I have to drink this gay tea...I hope it doesn't queer me over like most other tea drinkers out there. Not too worried about it though cuz I am in complete control of my bad 'a'. Check back soon to see me get better.
  Notice how the one on the right (which is what I drink) is way more rad than the one on the left (which is what you probably drink). I'm sick and I still drink better tea than you do.
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